Hang on to your pillows campers!

I have a cat. She is crazier than I am. Let's call her Little Miss. For those of you that have cats I have one question, has your cat ever tried to sleep on your face? A strange question to be sure, but Little Miss is rather emphatic about her right to sleep on my pillows, and on occasion, my face. I used to be a heavy sleeper, as my high school friends will attest, I could sleep anywhere through just about anything. I however, like most of you I'm sure, cannot sleep with a ball of fur cutting off my main, and only, supply of air. After I lay down and get comfortable she jumps onto the bed and gives me a petulant "mrwar" before walking onto my pillows [and on my hair as well] to find a spot above my head. Soon that spot is no longer suitable and she must try to worm her way in between Jinx and myself [Jinx being my fiance and the love of my life]. To a human, a hand pushing at your face and chest would tell you in no uncertain terms "hey! you're not wanted here! go away!" but to a cat that must mean something completely different or maybe there is something about the bed she considers especially her domain because she WILL NOT budge. On the off chance that I CAN slide her away [insert noise of hind claws digging into the bedding] she will instead step onto my shoulder and try to lay on my neck. This is a hard thing to describe but she is above my head, laying with her front end resting on my collar bone. I imagine it might be a cute Kodak moment for those not involved but as fur is not oxygen, nor is it similar to oxygen, breathing becomes...difficult. Not to mention it's molting season and she is shedding fit to go bald. Look at Jinx's pillows then look at mine. His are grey and blue, mine are white and furry. It took me three strips of lint roller to clean them one night. Three!

Now add in the human factor. While I love Jinx beyond words can say, he moves around in his sleep...a lot. And occasionally I get an odd comment out of him while he talks in his sleep ["I like it, type that up for me!"]. Most of the time he just pushes his sheet in six different directions [his sheet, I use the comforter] and knocks his pillows off the bed completely. Last week was an exception though. I woke up to tugging on my pillow. This time it wasn't Little Miss, oh no, for she had usurped one pillow and left the other all to me, that and she doesn't have opposable thumbs. Jinx, while still asleep, was pulling my pillow out from under my head! I wasn't sure if I should laugh, cry, or smack him with his pillow that was pushed down to his feet. After a full minute of trying to just hold on to it myself I nudged him awake enough let him know what he was doing. Of course he was repentant and apologetic, but the irony of situation did not escape me.

The story doesn't end here, oh no. It gets better. Little Miss has begun sneezing. Cats are not humans. And while not many humans have the manners to cover their nose and mouth while sneezing, they generally don't do it right in your face. Cats are not humans. And while in the aforementioned position she simply stands and sneezes, all while still facing me. Not only must I breathe her fur and have it stuck to my face in the morning, but she adds insult to injury and sprays her little kitty germs all over my poor, sleeping, unsuspecting face. Yet I pet her, feed her, scoop her litter...I still love that little ball of fur. When we can harness that power we will end all war. I should get a research grant...

What does your cat do to you?