Thank you for calling...

I'm staying away from the boring minor, real, details of my life in the attempts to provide you with moderate entertainment. Today I would like to bring you an anecdote from my current income management solution...aka job. For this to make sense I suppose I should acquaint you with the fact that I work for a web development and design company, as it is relevant to this story.

I answered the phone at 12:18pm [yes, I answer phones]. There was a congenial gentleman on the line who identified himself as Chris from some place or other, but for the lack of enunciation I don't know where he was from. The conversation continued somewhat in this manner:

Chris: Hi, I'm looking at a site, ******.com, and I would like to speak with the owner of the site.
Me [confused]: ....Well the owner would be that company.
Chris: What do you mean?
Me: We designed the site but it belongs to the client ******.com.
Chris: Oh, so you're an SCO company?
Me [still confused]: I'm sorry, a what?
Chris: An SCO, a search engine optimization company.
Me [thinking, that doesn't spell SCO...]: Oh, no. We are a web development company so we design the websites but the clients have paid for them.
Chris: Web development...I almost studied that in school. Is that pretty good, can you make a lot of money doing that?
Me [perplexed]: ...well it's in pretty high demand nowadays. I suppose it depends on your area though.
Chris: Oh, yeah. I suppose your major and area of expertise would make a difference.
Me [perplexed and now slightly amused]: Well I meant which region of the country you live in and how many jobs are available, but I suppose that would make a difference too.
Chris: Yeah, my firm up here in Washington is by Microsoft so that's gotta be pretty good.
Me: ....
Chris: So you don't own this site then? Who could I contact?
Me [back to the point...if there was one]: There should be a phone number on the site itself.
Chris: I can't find one. Are you looking at the site now?
Me [opening another tab and typing in ******.com]: I am now [are you?!]. There is a menu on the left hand side of the page with a "Contact Us" tab. If you click on that you will see their address and phone number.
Chris: I still don't...oh, is that it? ***-***-****?
Me: Yes, that would appear to be their phone number.
Chris: Well thanks so much, you have a great day!
Me [slightly in shock at the surreality...if that's a word]: Thanks, you too [hangs up].

I immediately stood up and went to tell the story to my coworkers because...WTF?! At least he was polite.

Hang on to your pillows campers!

I have a cat. She is crazier than I am. Let's call her Little Miss. For those of you that have cats I have one question, has your cat ever tried to sleep on your face? A strange question to be sure, but Little Miss is rather emphatic about her right to sleep on my pillows, and on occasion, my face. I used to be a heavy sleeper, as my high school friends will attest, I could sleep anywhere through just about anything. I however, like most of you I'm sure, cannot sleep with a ball of fur cutting off my main, and only, supply of air. After I lay down and get comfortable she jumps onto the bed and gives me a petulant "mrwar" before walking onto my pillows [and on my hair as well] to find a spot above my head. Soon that spot is no longer suitable and she must try to worm her way in between Jinx and myself [Jinx being my fiance and the love of my life]. To a human, a hand pushing at your face and chest would tell you in no uncertain terms "hey! you're not wanted here! go away!" but to a cat that must mean something completely different or maybe there is something about the bed she considers especially her domain because she WILL NOT budge. On the off chance that I CAN slide her away [insert noise of hind claws digging into the bedding] she will instead step onto my shoulder and try to lay on my neck. This is a hard thing to describe but she is above my head, laying with her front end resting on my collar bone. I imagine it might be a cute Kodak moment for those not involved but as fur is not oxygen, nor is it similar to oxygen, breathing becomes...difficult. Not to mention it's molting season and she is shedding fit to go bald. Look at Jinx's pillows then look at mine. His are grey and blue, mine are white and furry. It took me three strips of lint roller to clean them one night. Three!

Now add in the human factor. While I love Jinx beyond words can say, he moves around in his sleep...a lot. And occasionally I get an odd comment out of him while he talks in his sleep ["I like it, type that up for me!"]. Most of the time he just pushes his sheet in six different directions [his sheet, I use the comforter] and knocks his pillows off the bed completely. Last week was an exception though. I woke up to tugging on my pillow. This time it wasn't Little Miss, oh no, for she had usurped one pillow and left the other all to me, that and she doesn't have opposable thumbs. Jinx, while still asleep, was pulling my pillow out from under my head! I wasn't sure if I should laugh, cry, or smack him with his pillow that was pushed down to his feet. After a full minute of trying to just hold on to it myself I nudged him awake enough let him know what he was doing. Of course he was repentant and apologetic, but the irony of situation did not escape me.

The story doesn't end here, oh no. It gets better. Little Miss has begun sneezing. Cats are not humans. And while not many humans have the manners to cover their nose and mouth while sneezing, they generally don't do it right in your face. Cats are not humans. And while in the aforementioned position she simply stands and sneezes, all while still facing me. Not only must I breathe her fur and have it stuck to my face in the morning, but she adds insult to injury and sprays her little kitty germs all over my poor, sleeping, unsuspecting face. Yet I pet her, feed her, scoop her litter...I still love that little ball of fur. When we can harness that power we will end all war. I should get a research grant...

What does your cat do to you?